bilwyboy's blog

i'm hopeless. there is this domme who has been in my life for several years whom i can't stop thinking about. she knows i love her. she knows i view myself as belonging to her. and she is my domme in many dimensions. but despite all my fawning emails, i don't think she understands how hopelessly i belong to her. in fact i know she doesn't. she's jaded by other men she's met and has 'learned' they can't be trusted to mean what they say. yet, she could pretty much tell me to jump off a cliff and i would.

so why do some of us find it so hot to not be in control?? i don't mean "easier", "relaxing" or "nice for a change". i mean *hot*. like someone's hot body can *make* us hot. why would being controlled be such a heady turn-on??

perhaps it isn't. not directly at least. perhaps having somebody else in control simply removes inhibitions that are blocking us from fully feeling our own natural horniness. the horniness is there all along. it just gets unmasked when somebody else is in control.

i've got that sickly, crawly feeling from having had to answer for my failure to keep up with some ongoing instructions from my Domme.... this is definitely the downside of belonging to someone. there's really nothing that one can do about these feelings other than hope for them to dissipate in time. or pray that my Domme has mercy and metes out some form of punishment that clears the slate.

those of us subs without the luxury of living with our dom/mes often have to go looooooong stretches in-between 'play sessions' with those to whom we submit. this has produced in me a severe roller-coaster effect of growing excitement shortly before a planned session, a brief high right after a session, and then a slow descent as the high wears off and no immediate prospect of subbing again appears on the horizon.

those of us who love/adore/obey/etc. a mistress or master need a better word than "love", "adore", "obey" -- and certainly "etc." -- to describe our feelings toward the person who owns and/or dominates us.

infantilism is one of the more 'bizarre' kinks in many people's minds, even among those who are kinky themselves and/or comfortable and supportive of other kinks.

an infantilist enjoys regressing into an infantile state, either in outward form or more deeply. in other words, they either pretend to be or 'become' a baby.

often s/he does this as part of a power exchange in which the 'dominant' person takes on a parental or babysitting persona (again, either in outward form only, or more deeply), in which case infantilism is a form of submission.

recently i came across a site where several male subs were decrying the 'stereotype' of wimpish subs. they claimed to be muscular studs who, while while enjoying women controlling their time together, inflicting punishment, and even subjecting them to 'humiliating' activities, otherwise lived up to the male image of psychological and physical strength and coolness. imagine the marlboro man aloofly wearing panties.

i see that Aperture Tools has recently been lining the SteamyAuctions shelves with an amazing variety of what might be viewed as the male answer to the vibrator. (though vibrators admittedly have their male uses, and perhaps some creative women know how to make good use of these male-oriented toys. your ideas, ladies?)

dom/dommes have it easy. :-) when they feel randy, they grab themselves one of their subs. when they feel lethargic, they take it easy.

subs however? when they feel randy, they have to cope until their dom/dommes come around to the same place (and then pray they are not into tease and denial that day). and when they feel lethargic but their dom/domme feels randy, guess who wins?

today i'm feeling grateful for "intelligent design" -- a sign that there really is a Mistress who created and runs the universe.

by intelligent design i mean, of course, the fact that, for every sub out there who yearns for and gets excited by someone else being in control of them, there appears to be someone who gets off dominating and being in control.

i mean, how sweet is that? it didn't *have* to be that way. we could have all these subs yearning away without anyone else having an impulse to dominate them.